I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I wish life had little blips of pornography
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
What a dumb baby whore.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
