We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
the condom got lost in my hair
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
