I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
