You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
