She's JV to your varsity
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
