The maid of honor just puked.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
