The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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