no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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