did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
