College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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