1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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