Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
