OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize