Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
