you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
