Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I accidentally had phone sex last night
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
