1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
