I'm jealous of your bromance
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
