Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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