New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
