I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
