The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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