my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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