I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I need to align my fucking chakras
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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