Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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