I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
