I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
