We're like a lot better than the average bears
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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