How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
