i just identified you from a description of your pipe
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
