fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
