He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
