We won't sleep together?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
