you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize