Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
