My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
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