Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
