She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
