Your mouth is God's brothel.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
