u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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