Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
