Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
