I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
