i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
