The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
