I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
It was like getting head from an anaconda
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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