Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
