ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
