Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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