he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
