You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
