what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
i think my cat just said my name.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
