Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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