everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
