Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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