I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Randomize
