We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I have post one night stand depression
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
