he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
pop tarts are not kleenex
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
