Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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