After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize