At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
