i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Randomize
