so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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