Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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