You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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