I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
