dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
