It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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