Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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