it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize