I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize